We, being us, have decided
not to include you in our mating
dance endeavors —
for one, your hair is much too unkempt
and brown, and that just does not
fit in with what we have, you see. Our hair
is colored and radiant, you know, just
like that Sex and the City girl, Jessica Parks or
whatever. Anyway, also, your shoes are
closed and ours are open, and as you can see,
we all have manicured toenails AND fingernails
which we all did together at the mall
last Saturday and I guess we forgot to
call you then too. Oops. Even still, your
skirt goes past your knees and ours well…
Hehe. You know. See, I got mine at Abercrombie
and Fitch on sale for $112. Good buy, huh? So, how are
the guys supposed to know what you’re hiding
if your skirt goes past your knees? So even
if we decided to bring you, you couldn’t
even get anybody to notice. You’re just
notthatkindofgirl, you know? And
you need new jewelry. That necklace that lights
up is so seventh grade. Please, get with the program, okay?
You can’t just sit around in your books
all day and not pay attention to the fashion world,
seriously. Go to Paris or something. Anyway,
I don’t mean to attack you, I’m just
saying. It’s for the best
and stuff. Oh yeah.
Get your ears pierced.